hardbargain | (no subject)

I'm not going anywhere, Nyx. I'm here, I'm with you.

[Squall can see the worry, the fear, the loss in the way Nyx almost seems to tense up and he leans ever more into that touch, nudging him and then taking those lips once more against his. He will kiss every fear out of Nyx's body if he has to. He's been there since he first arrived, watched him close off and then start to open up to him. He's watched him recover and has only found him more and more beautiful, someone squall can easily and truly say he loves. It's still so strange to think he'd find anyone whose affections he cherished so deeply as his own for Cloud's and yet if Nyx disappeared on him right now he doesn't think he'd ever recover.]

I love you, Nyx...I love you

[Once more he breaks the kiss each time for more love, more affirmations of his feelings. His warm hands still jerking off Nyx's dick. He's so slow in how he moves his hands, no urgency but rather a slow pace of adoration to tease him into pleasure ] I love your lips, I love the way you call me geddah. Everytime you hold me I feel like I'm home. [Each word gets it's own jerk of his hands, some punctuated by a bit of extra heat in his lips.]

[It's a tangled mess of feelings, his name on Squall's lips, all these soft declarations, the steady heat of his hands and lips. Nyx squirms, grinding down against Squall, bucking up into his hands and when he finally cums it's with a sound that cannot be called anything other than a sob. Hands clinging desperately to Squall as he jerks in his lap.

Carefully he lets himself shift, sitting sideways over the other man's lap, curling up against his chest, small and uncertain in ways he doesn't let himself be. Much as he tries to fight it, though, the physical release drags him under, all but demands an emotional one to accompany it and Squall will feel hot tears dripping down onto his shoulder between ragged breaths. One word desperate and hopeful on his lips before he collapses entirely, not sobbing but crying steadily, quietly letting himself mourn another home lost.]

Home?

[There is so much still unsaid, so much more that Squall wishes he could find words to explain this feeling he has for Nyx and how this man appeared in his life one day and changed it in a way no other has. He wouldn't change any moment he's spent with Nyx and while that thought would have scared him it is comforting with him.

When Nyx comes it isn't long after that Squall feels his own release coming too but he doesn't. Those tears stop him and he is quick to wrap his arms around him, holding him tightly at first.]

Ssshhh....shhhhh...you're okay Nyx...you're okay. I'm right here.

[He isn't trying to prevent the tears, if anything he thinks they might be good for him but he wants him to know he's safe like this. Eventually he shifts so that he too is laying on his side and they can be facing each other on the couch. He runs his hands through Nyx's loose hair, ignoring the braids for now and smiles at him.]

Yes, home. You make me feel like Home Nyx. I feel safe with you...like here right now is where I belong.

[He doesn't argue as Squall draws him down onto the couch, reaches out blindly to drag that blanket over them both, presses in against Squall's chest as he cries. There are so many things that he hasn't explained, that must be confusing for Squall. Things he hasn't dared to touch, as though if he doesn't acknowledge them they might somehow no longer be true.

Tears still trek down his cheeks but he leans in a little to press a trembling kiss to Squall's lips, then bowing his head to lean his brow against those warm, soothing lips.]

I tried- I know how that is. When someone feels like home. [His shoulders hitch, hands holding tighter to Squall, the grip hard enough that he might have bruises on one arm by the time they detangle themselves.] And every time they-

I can't lose that again. I can't lose you.

[It's really the first time that Squall notices how Nyx can be so much smaller then him. He always carries himself so confidently that now as they lay int he couch he can see their differences. Nyx isn't tiny but his hands aren't as big as Squall's and the curves of his body seem to fit in line with Squall's own. It's a somber beauty that Nyx is showing him, so full of sadness and fear and yet squall can't seem to look away from him.]

You won't lose me. I can't promise much but I know I'll fight through space and time to stay at your side. [It's the one thing he can promise, a promise to try to stay. this world has too many unknowns for anything else.

Squall kisses his temple a few times, his hands running through Nyx's hair as he starts to comfort him with gentle pets.] I want to be at your side as long as we have. I love you too much to lose you too.

[Squall's fingers slide back through his hair and Nyx's breath hitches softly, trying to slow the flow of tears, to lessen it so he can at least answer his lover. He curls closer against him, presses in as tight as he can, silvered eyes meeting steel and his lips are still quivering with barely restrained sobs when he presses another kiss to his lips.]

I never told- [Another unsteady breath but he tries to hold Squall's gaze, to not hide from him or that vow he makes. Something he might have tried to laugh off or lessen the impact of if he weren't already so upset. He wants to make it clear, here and now, that he's not trying to hide from that. Not... not now.] Anyone... I didn't tell anyone I loved how much they meant to me.

I don't want to miss that chance again. Muja oui, geddah. I love you, too.

[The tears are still something he doesn't like seeing on Nyx, even if he has to admit that even crying his boyfriend looks so heartbreakingly handsome. He is at least really happy that Nyx is opening up to him and doesn't shy away from how close he gets or any kisses, eagerly giving it right back to him in hopes to make him feel comfortable.]

If it's too hard to say it's oka---[Squall pauses when Nyx says he loves him. It's the first time he's ever said that to his knowledge. He isn't sure if he's said it in galahdian before but with how much it took to say he thinks it's the fist time in general. His own heart beats faster and he kisses Nyx again, his hands securely at his bare back.]

You make me so happy, my Nyx. My home.

[Again he repeats those words and kisses Nyx once more before his own eyes begin to get watery.] I love you.

[Of course Squall tries to make it okay, even now, even like this. Which only makes it more important that he find those words, finally give voice to them. Things he should have said to friends, to family, to lovers. If he'd said such things to the people he cared about, if any of them had been honest about their emotions maybe... Maybe there wouldn't have been so many willing to turn their backs on each other.

An unfair burden to put upon himself, or anyone, but a thought that comes whether he wants it to or not.]

Home- [Another strangled murmur of that one word that means so much. Nyx doesn't have more words in him, not when those he has said cost so much. Instead he tucks his head into the crook of Squall's shoulder, leaning down just enough to press his lips over his lover's heart. The closest he'd ever allowed himself to come to those words before, with Pelna, with Libertus. The people that had meant so much to him.

People he hasn't truly let himself grieve here, too busy pushing and pushing to stay busy, to do more, to not stop and allow himself the time to really think about how much pain came with all that had happened.]

'm sorry. [Mumbled against his skin as Nyx gradually succumbs to sobs once again.]

[This is painful, for having wanted this to be a nice time all it's been has been a lot of pain for Nyx and while squall loves how open he is being he also doesn't want to cause him any more pain. He runs his hands through Nyx's hair, kissing his cheek in a way to get him to calm down.]

Shh...shhh it's okay. We are okay Nyx. Just be with me right now, you don't have to say anything okay? [One of his hands drifts to Nyx's lower back and rubs him tenderly there.]

Take a few deep breaths and let it out okay? We have time to talk later when you are more okay. I really appreciate what you've said already to me.

[It is painful, yes. But the pain has been there this entire time, no matter how hard Nyx has tried to bury it, to not think about it. He's never felt safe enough to let himself really feel it, process it. He lost so much in so short a time how could he even begin to unpack that when they were here in another world where no one knew what they were up against or how safe they really were?

He curls in against Squall, arms wrapping tight around him in return. Eventually, later, maybe hours later, they'll have time to talk about it. Maybe Nyx can finally acknowledge how deep that betrayal cut. All of which means acknowledging that, whatever else is happening here, even if it is a simulation, here in Squall's arms... he is safe.]




	"It's Ulric. Make it good." UN: CuriousCoeurl